We have to talk about Gordon……..

Try not to let your imagination run riot too much here but as I was getting into the shower on Wednesday evening I suddenly noticed that Gordon had got there before me. Now I’m pretty broad-minded about these things but I am afraid Mrs. Ha sees things differently. You see, Gordon has been making a bit of a habit of it. Only a couple of days before she screamed (quietly) when she found him in our bedroom with one of his friends or relations. It is not as if we invite him over. He just turns up, unannounced and makes himself at home. On a number of occasions I have marched him off the premises with a stern admonition not to darken our door again. He kind of shrugs his shoulders, sticks his tongue out and runs off. Until the next time. Gordon is nothing if not persistent.

The really rum thing about Gordon is that he can morph. Sometimes he even seems to change his size. But always he is fast. His conversation is pretty limited. In fact I don’t think he has ever even thanked Mrs. Ha for her hospitality. Lulu doesn’t like him either. He commandeered her basket for a few days and she was indignant as only a Pomeranian can be. Get this Gordon chap out of my basket, she barked. So I did.

So the question is, how do you deal with a recalcitrant gecko? A recidivist of the worst order. We suspect he comes in through the bathroom overflow pipe. He may even have set up camp somewhere in the bathroom and invited his pals over for G&Ts and canapes. I’m sure he deals very effectively with unwanted mozzies but Mrs. Ha nevertheless feels he is intruding. And is it always Gordon? Or is it a veritable parade of geckos wriggling around the floors and walls? If you are squeamish, stop reading here.

Gordon can shed his tail if he is cornered so you go to grab him and you are left with a squirming caudal appendage and Gordon just turns round, thumbs his nose at you, laughs silently and legs it, rudderless, out of reach. I saw him disappear into a loudspeaker the other day. Another occasion he ran up inside the weighing scales, safe in the knowledge that both Mrs. Ha and I are too scared to go near them, lest the truth be told. Only Lulu gets to confront the scales. And if she ticks in over 4.8lb, woe betide her. The diet biscuits come out and rations are reduced until her sylph like figure is restored. We do not want Lulu to be in the “stately as a galleon” class.

Now in fairness to Gordon he is a house gecko, broadly speaking. He undoubtedly sees it as his ‘right’ to live in our house. But unless he signs a proper lease and pays rent, Mrs. Ha is firmly of the view that he has to move out. Lulu agrees. The question is therefore, what should we do about Gordon? Evict or tolerate? What would you do with Gordon?

So you can be under no illusion as to the beauty of a wild gecko, here is one I prepared earlier.

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4 thoughts on “We have to talk about Gordon……..

    • We have a whole army of them in the shed at the back of the garden, John. They grow to be quite elephantine (perhaps not) but the issue is sharing a bedroom & shower with them. I’m relaxed. Shirley, shall we say, less so.

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