Hamsters, frogs and penguins

This is not a cookery post, nor even a retrospective by Freddie Starr on Animals I have allegedly interfered with. Or was it animals that have allegedly interfered with FS. You won’t find any Phew! Wot a Scorcher bits in here. I simply feel compelled to respond to the extraordinary kindness of the Empress Lottie, by whom I was re-blogged yesterday, and others who visited Ice Hole and left kind remarks. Indeed I was re-blogged a second time by 8 Degrees of Latitude, whose only failing seems to be that he may have Scottish blood in him.  I thank you all most sincerely. As Hughie Green was wont to say, its your vote at home that counts. Well Hughie, I, like Monica, am still waiting for Opportunity to Knock but this might be my big break.

The hamster in question is the one that seems to power my wifi connection. He seems rather sluggish today. Most frustrating as I have a lot of chores to tick off before we head Macau-ward tomorrow. I have ordered Mrs. Ha to give Hammy a few more lashings in an effort to speed him up. Sadly for Hammy it won’t be lashings and lashings of ginger ale. He must be overweight. Or is that me? Ah Wong will pick us up in his red Ferrari taxi at 13.00 precisely and take us to the ferry terminal.

The frog, on whom I have reported recently, has gone AWOL. He has deserted the nest. Or is that me? Well Mr. Frog was last sighted at approximately 16.00 yesterday. At 19.00 I checked his quarters and he had well and truly hopped it. Never paid any rent either. No sign of him since. I thought he may have just had a few over the eight last night and be sleeping it off somewhere, only to return home for a late lunch, his hang-frog expression betraying the massive hangover. Of course he may have been eaten by a local egret or heron. Stranger things have happened at sea. But not in our garden. If you see a frog answering the description posted previously please call your local station.

Now penguins. Someone hinted yesterday that I am ok at penguins. And I have to admit that penguin images do seem to bring in the punters. So I had a look in the files again this afternoon and identified a few more shots that might appease the penguin-hungry public.

The first conjures up the image in my mind of a determined Pete trying to usher a clearly reluctant Empress Lottie into a favoured watering hole. I called this “Oh do come along, Lottie”.ComealongLottie

And here is Lottie bracing herself for a gin or two.King-penguin-profile

Some of the revellers headed home rather the worse for wearNew-coat

and some were clearly under agePenguin-moult

But all agreed that Wales had beaten Scotland fairly and squarely thanks to that awfully nice Warburton fellow. Spear tackles by appointment and don’t the French whinge a lot?

Some scenery shots now before I go. I do recommend South Georgia. I forget who claimed that Balham was the gateway to the South (Sellers it was, actually) but personally I don’t think it is a patch on SG. Of course South Georgia does not (yet) have a tube station but I’m sure the Northern Line will get there one day. Just think how a London Transport station would enhance this view.




Lacking isn’t it. It just screams out for a railway line. If that young chap Osborne wants to spend more on infrastructure I’m sure this would be just the ticket. Anyone who can write Look Back in Ongar should be able to rattle off a white paper or two to get it nodded through by the sleeping peers of the realm.

But if not, well I see storm clouds gathering over South Georgia. It must be the gods complying about the culling of the reindeer.Storm-clouds

Rumour has it Joan Baez is going to put out a new record, Where have all the reindeer gone? And the answer, my friend, is blowin’ in the wind, the answer is blowin’ in the wind. Or maybe in Tesco in with the horse meat.

I hope you enjoyed this trip into the mind of someone who has clearly seen better days and may have had one glass of boot polish too many. If you are new to “All Downhill”, despair not. It could get worse. In fact, I can almost certainly guarantee that it will. Abandon hope all ye who enter here. Old Dante certainly knew his stuff and I am happy to play Virgil on your journey into hell. But I’m almost certain he never wrote, its FAB Virgil.


6 thoughts on “Hamsters, frogs and penguins

  1. EMPRESS!! Good heavens Andrew, you’ve now got me spluttering and snorting my G&T all over the keyboard with your nouveau titre pour moi. Mon Dieu, I’m really going to have to pull my stockings up if I’m to carry that one ‘orf. Ha, what’s a poor girl to do, you have now given me ideas of status and grandeur way beyond my wildest dreams. I’m beginning to feel like old Toad when he hits the road. This Empress is indeed capable of wild things – please remind her not to let this new title go to her head.

    You’ve picked up the best of the P-P-P Penguins here! You’ve got to love a penguin eh? No wonder the punters are clamouring to see your photos of them. By jingo, they are rather good. And your witty comments (says she now wiping splashes of Gin from her laptop screen) just add an extra splash of Andrew colour to the visuals making the whole thing an utter delight. Bravo!

    Have a great time Macau-ward and I’m very much looking forward to hearing and seeing the pictorial evidence of your travels. Bon voyage. The Empress 🙂

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