M & Z – an update

I am happy that our trials amused the impartial observer. It provided some comfort.

Today The Technician arrived, proudly be-overalled with M badges adorning his blue attire. Blue was how we felt too. He spent over four hours with us, trying to coax our M to follow the programme. There were cables attached, lights flashing, laptops whirring and lots of trial runs. At the end of which he pronounced the machine ‘unstable’.

That, I suspect,was exactly how the mistress of the house felt. The Technician departed assuring us that his boss, Mr. F would call us pronto. Our options seem to be:

M3. I never liked the M3.

Money back.

A different, simpler version of M. if one is still on the market.

This last idea introduces the frightening prospect of us having to put the detergent into the machine ourselves. I am not sure we are up to that. And of course when I say ‘we’ I must confess that I am not planning on any personal involvement. It sounds far too challenging for me.

So the mistress of the house has left me alone. She has gone out to get a late lunch and look at washing machines.

My task for the day is to top up the oil in her car. And just to remind me of that she has driven off in my car. I would happily do this simple chore if I knew where she had hidden the oil. I do wonder whether M2 has a hand in it. Not content with developing a programmed mind of his own he has also starting exerting a kinetic force over our possessions. I suspect that M2 is possessed by a Poltergeist. If I see things hurtling across the room tonight, smashing into the walls and windows, I shall be sure it can be only one of two things:

M2 is wielding his evil influence or the mistress of the house is back.

The more I think about this the more convinced I am that this mirrors a Dennis Wheatley novel. If M don’t sort us out soon I think we may be sacrificing one of their employees on a washing machine at midnight. I’ll have to read the handbook to see if there is anything in the instruction manual about that.

To be continued.




31 thoughts on “M & Z – an update

  1. NOoooo, this is terrible, what in hells name is wrong with these wretched machines? I’m pretty sure Miele is a German make? If so, with your excellent command of the German language can you not ring Miele Headquarters and ask why the washing machine is giving so much grief? I’m sure customer care will be thrilled to hear all about the fiasco that’s been going on at Hardacre Heights. Years ago my Dyson vacuum cleaner packed up so I wrote a poem sent it to their head office. They must have been amused because the following week, a brand new Dyson turned up on my doorstep 😀

    • I might send Miele a poem then, Lottie. We have some Dyson fans. They did a recall about 3 months ago and repaired them for free but it took about 2 months.

  2. This is a fairly hair-raising tale, Andrew: I’ve never met anyone who’s had such problems with M, prior to reading this. Poor old youse. I hope Mrs Ha really is well enough to be gallivanting around town browsing for washing-machines …

    • We have 3 other Ms in the house, MR. All function perfectly well. It is just the evil spirits in the laundry that are causing the problem No more Fairy Snow, the Devil has taken over and is not wearing Prada but Andrew’s M&S shorts.

  3. I know several people I’d categorize as ‘unstable’, but this is a first for a washing machine. Small wonder you fear for your safety. I say banish it as quickly as possible. Clean clothes are over-rated anyway 😉
    I hope this story has a happy ending!

  4. Oh, I’m not laughing anymore. Apologies for my rudeness yesterday. This is serious! I’d be so ropeable no serviceman would darken our door.
    Good luck to you if you did not top up Mrs. Ha’s oil. And I wish Mrs Ha better luck buying a functioning washer.

  5. Oh, I’m not laughing anymore. Apologies for my rudeness yesterday! This has turned very serious. I’d be so ropeable no M man would darken our door.
    Good luck to you if you did not top up Mrs. Ha’s oil. Better luck to Mrs. Ha for finding a functioning machine.

  6. It happens too often; the task you finally get around to but somebody has hidden the oil or lost the key or taken the notebook with them. Our last washing machine lasted 15 years without maintenance. We won’t see it’s like again. My mother’s washing machine out-lasted my mother.

  7. Well as I wrote in my comment of yesterday- been there and done that. Only I was not treated to a new washer. I should have raised h— but my machine was a lemon from the beginning and it had 3 new digital control panels installed which should have meant a new washer. But my lesson learned was to get a simple machine with no fancy stuff. It, thus far, has been working just fine for over a year now.

  8. Surely the day will come when we can sit at our computers and instruct the machines (various) from there, though it’s difficult to see how water can get into the operation without at least some initial human effort.

    • I think that day is already here, Hilary. I have an app on my iPhone that allows me to do certain things in the house. And I can control my camera remotely from the phone too. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

  9. I’m with your wife, Andrew. When things go wrong and even the “fixers” we hire to correct them can’t figure things out, I’d rather go to look at washing machines.

  10. Have you considered “naturism” as a lifestyle ?

    Admittedly, there are some practical problems but at least your need for a washing machine would be diminished.

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