A correspondent writes

Dear Sir,

I returned home from a short break today to discover my home has been demolished. I have used the same tree, egg and bird, for a lifetime. I had a superb sea view, full aircon, pleasant if occasionally rather noisy neighbours and I had recently redecorated throughout. Last time I went away I had a problem with a squatter as you well remember.


However he was evicted and I retook possession.

The decision to ‘improve’ your view and to ‘landscape’ the garden was carried out without consulting the residents. There has been no planning department notice posted and no opportunity to object – this is rural vandalism on a grand scale.

I have notified my solicitors, Messrs Sparrow, Sparrow, Starling and Shrike. I can assure you that I shall seek substantial compensation and pursue my case with the full force of the law. In the meantime I am homeless. You may respond c/o the banyan tree near the minibus stop, under which I shall be selling The Big Issue.

Yours etc.

Colonel R. W Bulbul, BA Calcutta (failed) and 21st Prince Albert Victor’s Own Cavalry (Frontier Force) (ret’d).

PS. I left some rather fat grubs in the larder. I don’t suppose you kept them, did you?

27 thoughts on “A correspondent writes

  1. Oh! Andrew I love this and all your posting, so entertaining. Your recent landscape images are superb and many thanks too for the info on lens and settings. I haven’t seen much of your birdie, ah..I mean your bird images.

    • Thanks Patrick. I have done little bird photography this year. I have been struggling with a heart problem that restricts me rather so landscapes and some street shots have been my alternative. I’ll be back out as soon as I’m patched up!

  2. It’s appealing but sad, Andrew; for I’m sure the presence of the squatter must’ve been something really ooogy to the Colonel. What you don’t tell us is how/why his home was then brought down, and I should dearly like to know …

  3. Yes, if only the birds could talk. You’d get a real ear full. Maybe with the habitat changed you’ll see a different variety of birds. A good laugh for me this morning, Saturday, 8/16/14.

  4. That should not be read while the morning coffee is between the table and the lip, as mine was… Bloody coffee everywhere!

    Messrs Sparrow, Sparrow, Starling and Shrike, you say, I’ll be in touch for compensation.

    AV *wiping keyboard down*

  5. Oh! That explains the unusual posting I saw on eBay. “For Auction: One dozen grubs, alive. More or less. Well, maybe less. They were alive when we found them. No matter. These grubs are well known for their magical ability to restore vigour and vitality. Don’t be disappointed. Don’t disappoint your mate. Starting bid: $1,000.00 ea. That’s right. Each. A bargain at twice the price. Bid today.”

I'd be delighted to hear what you think

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s