I returned home from a short break today to discover my home has been demolished. I have used the same tree, egg and bird, for a lifetime. I had a superb sea view, full aircon, pleasant if occasionally rather noisy neighbours and I had recently redecorated throughout. Last time I went away I had a problem with a squatter as you well remember.
However he was evicted and I retook possession.
The decision to ‘improve’ your view and to ‘landscape’ the garden was carried out without consulting the residents. There has been no planning department notice posted and no opportunity to object – this is rural vandalism on a grand scale.
I have notified my solicitors, Messrs Sparrow, Sparrow, Starling and Shrike. I can assure you that I shall seek substantial compensation and pursue my case with the full force of the law. In the meantime I am homeless. You may respond c/o the banyan tree near the minibus stop, under which I shall be selling The Big Issue.
Colonel R. W Bulbul, BA Calcutta (failed) and 21st Prince Albert Victor’s Own Cavalry (Frontier Force) (ret’d).
PS. I left some rather fat grubs in the larder. I don’t suppose you kept them, did you?