Dear Sir,
I returned home from a short break today to discover my home has been demolished. I have used the same tree, egg and bird, for a lifetime. I had a superb sea view, full aircon, pleasant if occasionally rather noisy neighbours and I had recently redecorated throughout. Last time I went away I had a problem with a squatter as you well remember.
However he was evicted and I retook possession.
The decision to ‘improve’ your view and to ‘landscape’ the garden was carried out without consulting the residents. There has been no planning department notice posted and no opportunity to object – this is rural vandalism on a grand scale.
I have notified my solicitors, Messrs Sparrow, Sparrow, Starling and Shrike. I can assure you that I shall seek substantial compensation and pursue my case with the full force of the law. In the meantime I am homeless. You may respond c/o the banyan tree near the minibus stop, under which I shall be selling The Big Issue.
Yours etc.
Colonel R. W Bulbul, BA Calcutta (failed) and 21st Prince Albert Victor’s Own Cavalry (Frontier Force) (ret’d).
PS. I left some rather fat grubs in the larder. I don’t suppose you kept them, did you?
All downhill from here 
Oh! Andrew I love this and all your posting, so entertaining. Your recent landscape images are superb and many thanks too for the info on lens and settings. I haven’t seen much of your birdie, ah..I mean your bird images.
Thanks Patrick. I have done little bird photography this year. I have been struggling with a heart problem that restricts me rather so landscapes and some street shots have been my alternative. I’ll be back out as soon as I’m patched up!
Brilliant report and what a photo!
Thanks Hilary.
It’s appealing but sad, Andrew; for I’m sure the presence of the squatter must’ve been something really ooogy to the Colonel. What you don’t tell us is how/why his home was then brought down, and I should dearly like to know …
It was the great chain saw massacre of Friday MR. Many birds and bugs lost their homes in the landscaping. Very sad.
Ah yes. I do recall that, but didn’t make the connection. I’m as bad as everyone else at that, alas ! 😦
A pox to be visited upon those tree vandals.
Indeed, Steve. Lulu is putting a curse on them right now.
This is GREAT, Andrew. The letter is marvelous, and the picture is stunning. Is that the real color?
All real Marylin. There are no Chinese fakes on my blog.
OMG. Hilarious read!
It isn’t often that frogs get to play the villain’s role. Hopefully there will be some sort of kiss and makeover in the epilogue.
I can say for sure he did not turn into a prince, handsome or otherwise. The Colonel just wanted his nest back.
Yes, if only the birds could talk. You’d get a real ear full. Maybe with the habitat changed you’ll see a different variety of birds. A good laugh for me this morning, Saturday, 8/16/14.
I had thought we might get some different birds, Yvonne but even if we do I shall miss my old friends. I’m glad it amused you.
The frog has very good camouflage as i thought it was a leaf at first.
That should not be read while the morning coffee is between the table and the lip, as mine was… Bloody coffee everywhere!
Messrs Sparrow, Sparrow, Starling and Shrike, you say, I’ll be in touch for compensation.
AV *wiping keyboard down*
Oh no. I am so sorry AV. The colonel was full of good intentions, I promise.
It was a new keyboard too, a week old. Well, it’s been baptised now…
AV
Was this sent airmail?
Oh! That explains the unusual posting I saw on eBay. “For Auction: One dozen grubs, alive. More or less. Well, maybe less. They were alive when we found them. No matter. These grubs are well known for their magical ability to restore vigour and vitality. Don’t be disappointed. Don’t disappoint your mate. Starting bid: $1,000.00 ea. That’s right. Each. A bargain at twice the price. Bid today.”
Wow~ can I get Maggie to sell my paintints?!
Absolutely brilliant. I hope you send this letter to the chain-saw massacre gang and tell them that they can foot the legal bill. SHAME ON THEM!
Ha ha, loved it!
Be gone, you loose frog and never darken my doorstep again.
Frogs are like that, Gerard.