The Queen’s New Year Greeting to her Subjects

Hello loyal subjects. It is the third of January and I want to give you a few tips for what lies ahead in 2015.

I have decided to reintroduce the gao-tao or kowtow as they used to call it. This means that whenever you see me you need to kneel and rub your nose on the floor.

I hear that three wise men brought gifts round about this time of year. Well I suggest you all get wise and bring me biscuits. None of this gold, frankincense and myrrh rubbish. Kangaroo is my favourite flavour.

I know many of you are dedicated followers of fashion. This year’s “in” colour is Pomeranian orange. I shall be wearing it all year and as my subjects I expect you to do the same.

Many of you have made new year’s resolutions to get fit and lose weight. Stuff and nonsense. What you all need is more sleep. Get yourself a nice comfortable basket, a few toys and just hunker down to some serious zzzzzzs.

You may be aware that I shall be expanding my empire in a few weeks. Its time that old woman gave up the job. Her son, the jug-eared one who talks to plants, has been waiting for yonks. Its time they were both put out to pasture. I intend to simply put it to the vote. A plebiscite. And there are plenty of plebs in Britain I am told. Simple choice, Lulu or Brenda. In keeping with the HK Basic Law you will only actually be allowed to vote for me. And also in keeping with the HK basic law poor people won’t get a vote. Far too dangerous. Dogmocracy will be introduced gradually and only when I think you are ready.

You will be delighted to know that I intend to have my head on the postage stamps in keeping with tradition. And I shall have enormous posters hanging everywhere with some of my most important utterances on them. This will be accompanied by a Little Orange Book containing the Thoughts of Queen Lulu.

If you stick with me you will barely notice as the world goes to Hades in a handbasket. I shall ensure you are all fully protected from the mad megalomaniacs, King John Umm, Valery Putain, Sheesh John Byng and Barking O’bama. You can keep all your biscuits in Lulu’s Bank and although I won’t pay interest on them I promise I won’t punt them on synthetic first-to-default derivatives. I may eat a few but that’s what you get for a flight to quality. Biscuit leakage.

That’s it for now but in response to popular demand here are a few photographs taken by Cecil Beaton. Remember him? His missus wrote a cookery book. Hello Cecil…..

Lulu1Wake me when the shoot is over.lulu2Did someone mention biscuits?Lulu3

24 thoughts on “The Queen’s New Year Greeting to her Subjects

  1. Murphy sits at attention, waiting at Lulu’s beck and call to follow her wishes and do honour to her name… do we all.
    Long live Queen Lulu…fairest of the fair.

  2. Però, si fa subito sentire la Regina Lulu (ho visto che tutti hanno deciso per questo nome), ha dato immediatamente disposizioni. Chi trasgredisce rischia una punizione 🙂
    Però è bellissima, come si fa a resisterle.
    Ossequi Regina Lulu.

  3. Uh-oh. I sense future upheaval. My lord and master, Theo-The-Great, is not amused that there is a pretender on the throne. I sincerely hope we can avoid unpleasantries …

  4. Your writing talents amaze and delight, Andrew!
    Combined with your photography skills, you’re off and running for a colorful and very productive New Year!
    This is an excellent post.

  5. OK Queen LuLu. What ever you say goes as the saying”goes.” Kangaroo flavored biscuits for a royal dog however, is a bit much don’t you think? I have on good word that my royal subjects prefer pumpkin flavored biscuits.

    Must I curtsy and bow or just rub your nose? I see that someone has already applied as your royal butt scratcher. Frankly I think she went for the wrong end.

    Now to end all debate. Are you from the house of Hardacre or that poofy house of spoiled Pomeranians?

    On more thing if you don’t mind. You seemed a a bit aloof. Would it wound your pride to smile for that tall man with all the cameras dangling around his neck?

    • Lulu needs an incentive to smile, Yvonne. Usually it is the sight of Mrs. Ha coming through the door. But then she turns in circles crazily and is almost impossible to photograph. She is a pure Pom but originated from a breeder in Taiwan. We gave up on pet shops in HK. They are dreadful. And local breeders keep the girls for their old customers. They wanted to sell us a male puppy. Mrs. Ha had her heart set on a girl Pom and we found Lulu. She sends her warmest greetings.

      • Lulu knows a good thing when she sees it. Funny how dogs and cats always have a special human in their life. Ms Ha has good reason to want a female dog. I suppose some of those reasons are: females I think are faster to learn and easier to house break and they don’t tend to try to mark their territory.

  6. All hail Queen Lulu!
    I’m completely ready for a dogmocracy run government. I hope everyday will start with a walk and bisquit, followed by a long stretch/scratch session. I will love to be blinded by my new government to give them all my bisquits and not care that I don’t get anything but fur balls in return. I already don the Royal orange fur of The Queen, maybe I can become the Royal Butt Scratcher, if the position is open. Anything to serve Her Majesty! 😉

    • So far you are the only applicant to be royal butt scratcher NAND therefore consider yourself appointed. It is largely a ceremonial role but an important one nonetheless.

  7. I love brite colors they speak to those of us who have paste white complexions, so cute is the puppy all hail the queen. I would be honor to rub the nose of the queen cold as it may be

  8. By their own rules, the Saxe-Coburg-Gotha family (renamed Windsor to sound more English), are not even entitled to be on the throne. It’s clearly stated in the Bishop’s birth records. The real king, if ever there should be one, lives in Australia. Tony Robinson’s presentation: “Queen Elizabeth II – is NOT the rightful heir to the throne of England” I’ll bring raw biscuits.

  9. No wonder you have become the willing subject of that cutie, err-umm, Regal Dog. We can cope with a bit of Biscuit leakage, I do believe.

    Long live Queen Lulu.

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