I am Alfred King of the Britons.
Well, I didn’t vote for you
The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Alfred, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king.
Last time we met Alfred he was burning the cakes. After this debacle he decided that he needed a better kitchen design and so he invented The Round Table. It took twelve nights to finish it. These became known as the nights of the round table.
The table was a sort of Lazy Susan. Susan wasn’t too impressed by being called lazy so she later cast a spell on him and turned him into bronze. This is possibly why people now think he suffered from Crone’s disease. Sharp eyes will note that the bronze took a while and the cast was finally finished in 1900 by Vosper’s brother, Hamo Thornycroft. Here he is standing on his pedestal. His cake slicer, Excalibur, is held aloft and the lid of the bin, into which he threw the charred offerings is by his side. He seems to be in need of a haircut and his Hunters look as if they have seen better days. He originally found Excalibur buried in a rock cake.
He was married to Ealhswith and they had five children, all called Edward. The oldest was known as Edward the Elder. The second was called Edward the Second Eldest and so it went on. As some of the children were girls this caused a few problems. Nevertheless he was very popular with his family and on his 50th birthday they gave him a Holy Grail. He had been looking for one for years but they were always out of stock. He was so excited he keeled over and died.
Today he looks over the people of Winchester and remains as popular as ever. Here endeth the lesson. I hope you found it illuminating.
Two more photos to finish off: