So this is Christmas

Evening all Scrooge. I am The Ghost Of Christmas Past. You were jolly nasty to your old partner, Bob Marley. So I’ve sent The Wailers around to haunt you a bit. They will (naturally) wail, flap a few white sheets and probably smoke a spliff or three. They also tend to spread some Christmas ectoplasm around, just to give it a glow. If you want chains rattling that will be extra. What do you have to say to that?

Humbug, said Scrooge.

Don’t mind if I do, said TGOCP. Not my first choice of course. I’m more partial to a Quality Street but nowadays the tins get smaller and the price gets bigger. So a humbug is an acceptable substitute.

Scrooge rolled his eyes in disbelief. You’re not a real ghost at all. Christmas Past my aunt Vera. You’re Bob Scratchitt with a wig of dreadlocks. I thought I fired you for turning the heating on. I can’t afford heating any more. Have you seen my bills? Anyway with global warming who needs radiators?

Oh come on Eb, said Bob. Give me a break. Tiny Tim needs help.

He most certainly does, agreed Scrooge. I heard him singing Tiptoe Through The Tulips. What a shocker. I tell you what…… I’ll give you sixpence if you promise never to let him sing again.

It’s a deal, said Bob. They shook hands on it and Bob faded away, leaving Scrooge trembling on the doorstep. He backed slowly into his room and as he did so the ghostly choir struck up ‘Redemption Song’. Bob was still out there.

I wish both my readers a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Ours is very traditional. Mrs. Ha is ill and has lost her voice. The dog won’t stop barking and I shall probably finish them both off tomorrow as I have volunteered to cook lunch. I hope I can find the tin-opener and corkscrew in time.

A merry chrysalis and a phosphorous blue sneer to you all.

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32 thoughts on “So this is Christmas

  1. Enjoy the tinned spam, i believe that it goes very well with turkey stuffing! Have a good Christmas and see you on the 30th to pick up the stripy orange Up.

  2. Thanks for the chuckle. We have already disposed of our relatives, and have my (beloved) ex-boss and her husband to dinner tomorrow night. This is the best value Christmas ever – I am cooking pigeons (£13.60 for six) and mash instead of a gammon and a turkey and etc etc (more like £130). Happy Chrysalis to you all.

  3. A merry Christmas to you from your other reader. Seem to remember Tiny Tim and his loose dreadlocks…
    No matter if you can’t find the tin opener just as long as the corkscrew appears…
    HNY too🎅🍹🍾🎅🍹🍾🎅🍾🍹🎅🍾🍹🎅🍾🍹🎅🍾🍹🎅🍾🍹🎅🍾🍹

  4. Merry Chrysalis from me, and the borrowed cat. I hope you find that corkscrew. There are places online that can help you remove a cork without a puller, if need be. Hoppe Lulu likes plonk.

  5. We’re not much better here everyone got the stomach thing going on
    I’ll be doing the dinner tonite bangers and mash
    Christmas tomorrow if we don’t lose our lunch
    Great to hear Bob still alive
    One toke over the line sweet Jesse
    As always Sheldon

  6. I learned something knew! I never realized Tiny Tim was the Tiptoe Through The Tulips, Tim! Wow! 😉
    A very merry Christmas to you, Andrew. Take good care of Mrs. Ha; it’s no fun being sick on Christmas. We’re doing well here, but we can relate to the barking dog, only ours is a puppy, so she nips and piddles too.

  7. Aww, thanks for the Christmas tale Andrew and hope that Mrs. Ha recovers soon. I hope you find the lunch tools soon. Merry Christmas and happy holidays, and I wish you good health for 2016!

  8. Well, I am late for the show, but can still wish a belated Merry Christmas to you, Shirley and the lovely Lulu. Hopefully Shirley is on the mend or possibly mended by now. If you did not find the tin opener, I am sure you did find the listing for home delivery.

    I think that I may prefer your telling of the tale. 🙂

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